Project: Sleeping Beauty
by Ayanami Sakura
Summary: The EVA cast puts on a play for some cash. It's a Rei + Shinji fic, and........Ritsuko drinks LCL? Please R&R! Check it out, but don't mind the summary cuz I'm not very good at writing summaries.
1. Default Chapter

Project: Sleeping Beauty  
  
Author's Note: Hi! Well I don't own any of this I never did! But anyway, I'm guessing you are sick of hearing that. It sorta parallels with the chatroom fics 'Chaos Strikes Again', but all the stuff that happens in it, is really prep for the play. Hope you like it! Don't forget to R & R! Here it is!!!!! No Da!(It's a Fushigi Yugi thing, don't ask) Oh yeah, () is the character's thoughts, and is what they are doing. Oh yeah, POC is initials for Piece of Crap in case you wanted to know, cuz it is said a few times.  
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Gendo: Project: Sleeping Beauty. Hmmm.....  
Misato: Yay! As long as I make some money! (Spent on Yebisu beer of course... Hehehe)  
Fuyuutski: I'll judge in the auditions.  
Maya: Me too!  
Ritsuko: Why don't I-  
Fuyuutski: How about not.  
Ritsuko: Grr.  
Yui: I shall come from heaven to watch it. Or else from the big purple monster.  
Shinji: Barney?  
Yui: NO! EVA 01!  
Shinji: Ohhhh, that big purple monster......... Now it all makes sense......... Hey, don't you look a bit like Rei?  
Yui: I do NOT! I'm sick of people saying I look like Rei, or Rei looks like me! She just used a little bit of BASIC DNA! THAT COULD HAVE BEEN MY SPIT FOR ALL I KNOW! HOW WOULD I KNOW, I'M DEAD!  
Gendo: stiffly Take a chill pill.  
Yui: I DON'T NEED ONE! LOOK AT YOU ANYWAY! IF THAT'S HOW I'M GONNA ACT WHEN I TAKE ONE I'M NOT.  
Shinji: Mom. Stop spazzing out.  
Yui: I CAN SPAZ OUT IF I WANT TO! I'M DEAD! DEAD! DEAD DEAD DEAD DEAD!  
Asuka: She's crazy.  
Rei: You should be one to talk. Asuka the psychopath.........  
  
The Audition  
  
Fuyuutski: Okay, all of you do an impression of sleeping beauty *yawn*   
Asuka: I am so beautiful and smart and talented. Don't you just love me!!! I'm so sweet and caring and kind..... AND IF YOU DON'T GIVE ME THE PART I'LL STRANGLE THE LIFE FROM YA AND THEN STOMP ON YOU WITH MY EVA!  
Rei: sleeping  
Misato: Hey, was'sup, hic hiccup is there beer here? Hic hic hiccup.  
Fuyuutski: No.  
Misato: Che! I'll go hic somewhere hiccup else then!  
Fuyuutski: Can any of you kiss?  
Asuka: Of course!  
Shinji pops up  
Shinji: She holds the other person's nose when they kiss.  
Asuka: AGH! GO AWAY BAKA HENTAI! Shinji pops away  
Rei: I could do it.  
Misato: I luv ya beer... Yebisu, couldn't live without it  
Fuyuutski: (The bitch? No possible way. The drunk? She's proclaiming her love to a beer can. Well the only one left to do the job is Ayanami)  
Uh this is hard. Yeah, I'm gonna sleep on it.  
  
***  
  
Maya: I'm judging you. Now be Prince Charming. Toji?   
Toji: looks up Maya's skirt Well there's something up there at least!  
Maya: SLAP! HENTAI! When I need a doctor-  
Ritsuko: You'll call me!  
Maya: No I'll call a real doctor, not one that drinks too much coffee.  
Ritsuko: I don't drink too much coffee!  
Maya: Then what are you holding?   
Ritsuko: It's actually LCL. I've gotten attached to the stuff.  
Maya: You actually drink the stuff the naked Reis float in?  
Ritsuko: Yup! It's yummy!  
Maya runs out. Puking sounds can be heard. Maya comes back, Ritsuko left  
Maya: Ahem, next person please.  
Kensuke: Do I get to see an Evangelion?   
Maya: No.  
Kensuke: But it was in my contract!  
Maya: You don't have a contract.  
Kensuke: Che. Do I at least get to be bossed around by a sexy woman?  
Maya: You've gotta be kidding me.  
Kensuke: GRRRRR.  
Maya: NEXT!  
Gendo: Sleeping Beauty you are dispensable.  
Maya: Sweat drop Okay...............   
Gendo: In fact, all of you are dispensable! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  
Maya: ANYWAY, next person.  
Shinji: I mustn't run away! I must be strong!  
Maya: What the crap?  
Shinji: Nobody likes me everybody hates me, why don't I just eat worms-  
Maya: Shut UP!  
Shinji: Gomen!  
Maya: (Gah, How am I supposed to pick from this rabble?) The results will be posted tomorrow. Now shut up and leave me alone.  
  
***  
  
Ritsuko: Now, to audition for the evil fairy and the other fairies, I am judging- Hey! Why'd everyone leave?  
Maya: Because you drink LCL.  
Fuyuutski: They left because they heard you were judging. Hey Maya, I'll pick two of the fairies.  
Maya: Then I'll pick the evil fairy and the other fairy then. The rest will be backup and extras.  
  
The next day..................  
  
Results  
Sleeping Beauty: Ayanami Rei  
The Prince: Ikari Shinji  
The Evil Fairy: Asuka Langley Soryu  
1st Fairy: Suzuhara Touji  
2nd Fairy: Ikari Gendo  
3rd Fairy: Aida Kensuke  
King: Pen Pen  
Queen: Nagisa Kaworu  
Costume Designer: Katsuragi Misato  
Scenery: Shigeru Aoba  
Electronics: Hyuga Makoto  
Servant: Horaki Hikari  
Donkey: Akagi Ritsuko  
Priest: Ryouji Kaji  
  
  
The Practice  
  
Asuka: Why do I have to be the evil fairy? I'm too beautiful! I am so gentle! HOW DARE YOU!  
Maya: You have to be the evil fairy, because you are evil! Now SHUT UP AND GET TO WORK!  
Touji: It's true Asuka.  
Rei: You were destined to have this role.  
Shinji: I can picture it now in lights: Asuka, the fiery psychopath.  
Asuka: AHHHHHH! KNOCK IT OFF!  
Misato: It does have a catchy tone.  
Asuka: ............... Well, at least I get to beat up Ayanami!  
Rei: Not if I can help it. Anyway, what's saying you could beat me up.  
Asuka: I slapped you.  
Rei: You actually think that hurt? Hahahaha I laugh in the face of danger!  
Misato: Rei, settle down. Don't go all kamikaze on us.  
Shinji: Is there any *gulp* kissing in this play?  
Fuyuutski: Yeah, you have to kiss Ayanami, so get on first name basis please. Oh yeah, do it real long, that's what the people like.  
Shinji: fainted  
Ritsuko: Why am I the horse?  
Misato: Well, there wasn't an old bitch part, so you got the leftovers!  
Rei: Katsuragi-san, are you designing our costumes?  
Misato: Yup! (Wow, I didn't think it was possible for Rei's face to get any whiter.)  
Touji: Does this tutu make me look fat?  
Asuka: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!  
Misato: Here's your costume Asuka! Holds up a typical little girl with costume Since you aren't an important character, you get this.  
Touji: Ha, ha, yours has puffy sleeves!   
Asuka: Look at yours!  
Misato: Rei, here's yours! Holds up an ice blue gown with a really high slit and a really low top.  
Rei: You're kidding, right?  
Misato: Nope!  
Shinji:fainted again  
Misato: Buck up Shinji! kicks him in the head Be a man!  
Maya: Who wrote the scripts?  
Asuka: Me!  
Maya: Asuka! Your kanji's terrible! I can't read a thing!  
Asuka: grumble............mutter.........  
Maya: Time to bring in the extra scripts!  
  
10 days later, the night of the play...  
  
Rei: Misato! Did you purposely make this tight!   
Misato: Well the star has to look sexy! How else will we make money!  
Shinji: about to faint   
Misato: Nope, not this time, it's the night of the play, Shinji, so nosebleed or something instead. That's what wimpy guys do.  
Shinji: stands up No! This time, I, Ikari Shinji, will be a man! some POC Lion King background music comes on   
Rei: Uh Shinji?  
Shinji: Yes, Rei? Call me 'Shinji the MAN'  
Rei: Uh, no.  
Shinji: Well, what was it?  
Rei: I though you might wanna know while saying your speech, you stepped in a bucket.  
Shinji: EWW! It's crap!!!!!!!!! Now I need to get washed up!  
Misato: Ew Shinji, you stepped in crap!  
Asuka: WHAT! Shinji stepped in crap! Shinji runs to a bathroom  
Ritsuko: I am not fit to play a horse.  
Misato: That's right.  
Ritsuko: Really! You'll change my role!?  
Misato: No.  
Ritsuko: But you said-  
Misato: I said you weren't a horse. You're not.  
Ritsuko: Then what am I?  
Misato: An ass.   
Gendo: Do I, uh, have to wear this.  
Misato: Yes, I don't care if it's a tutu, you guys are the fairies.  
Gendo: But it's purple.  
Misato: So?  
Asuka: He's trying to say-  
Shinji: That he looks-  
Rei: LIKE A BIG TINKY WINKY!   
Misato: So?  
Maya: Okay, guys, I'm going out.  
Everyone: Good luck!  
Crash Bang Boom  
Makoto: SORRY BOUT THAT!  
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Hey, please rate and review! Once I get at least a few reviews then I'll put the next chapter up. The next chapter is the play itself. There, more happens. So hopefully I'll have the next chapter soon!  



	2. The Play!

Project: Sleeping Beauty  
  
Author's Note: Well, Chapter 1 was successful! Here is the actual play!! I know the characters are OOC but hey! Read Chaos Strikes Again too! Gainax may own da characters, but I own the screwed up version of Sleeping Beauty, (Once upon a time, I actually did watch it and read it, but that was way way back.) Have fun reading it and R&R!!! No flames though, I can tell myself when it's bad, and this is but if you don't like it, don't read it! I am Nuriko! BWAHAHAHA! (Inside joke. My cousins and I were being the 7 stars of Suzaku.) I'll bet not any one of you remembers Sleeping Beauty like this! Neither do I. But, I don't go by the Disney version.  
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The Play  
  
  
  
Maya:Runs out on stage with a microphone Hello, and welcome to the play 'Sleeping Beauty' Our actors have worked hard,(Yeah right.. They rarely practiced their lines. God, I hope it works out. Yeah really will.) I would appreciate silence.  
Some kid from the audience: Put a sock in it! We want to see the play!  
Maya: (Little BRAT! Grrrr...) AHEM! Now here's the play!  
Someone else from the audience: Will this be boring? So far it is.  
Maya: Runs off stage, curtain swings open  
Pen Pen: Sitting on a throne next to Kaworu Squaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwk (Oh, I am so happy to have a baby daughter)  
Kaworu: So am I! Isn't she adorable? So quiet! Picks up the doll, doll's head pops off  
Kaworu: (What am I supposed to do now? Aw heck!) Lays the baby doll and its head down in the crib  
Pen Pen: Squaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwk! (Look! There are the fairies!)  
Touji, Kensuke, and Gendo come parading in, in different colored tutus. Touji: Pink, Kensuke: Yellow, and Gendo: Purple  
Kaworu: Hello. Who are you?  
Touji: We are manly men in tights!!!!!!  
Kensuke: elbows him BAKA! Wrong line!  
Touji: Oops. Okay, we are three fairies here for the princess's birth.  
Kensuke: The song! You forgot the song!  
Touji: Ohh! We are the fairies three!  
Kensuke: We come from across the sea!  
Gendo: We can do magic on an old rabbit!  
Touji: We are the fairies three!  
Kensuke: We were born men, now we are girls, don't you dare call us transsexuals!  
Gendo: Cuz we used to have nuts, now we don't, so we can say **** and do rituals!  
Touji, Gendo & Kensuke: We aren't traaaannnseeexxxxxxxxxxxxuuuuuuaaaaaaaallllls!  
Touji: We are the fair-  
Kaworu: Knock it off!!!!  
Kensuke: Humph, fine.  
Gendo: I control all of you! I am in charge!  
Audience sweat drops  
Gendo: *cough* I need to get back to work, so on with it!  
Touji: Are you sick or something?  
Gendo:.....................  
Touji: Well, you keep coughing.  
Gendo:.....................  
Kensuke: God, can we get this over with? I don't have time for this! Really, my schedule is jam packed! I mean, I have a lot of appointments! We are busy fairies!  
Touji: What do we do now?  
Kensuke: Yeah, what are we doing here?  
Kaworu: Death glare You are supposed to give her GIFTS!  
Touji: Why?  
Pen Pen: Squuuaaaawwwwwk! (Because we said so!)  
Kensuke: That's not a very good reason. I mean, you should have an actual reason for it.  
Kaworu: JUST DO IT!  
Touji: Nike?  
Kaworu: Huh?  
Touji: You sound like the Nike commercial.  
Kaworu:sweat drop   
Touji: Well, I'll grant her the gift of looking hot and sexy when she grows up! Well I hope she turns out that way!   
Kaworu: What do you mean, you hope.  
Touji: Well, how am I supposed to know if she will!  
Kaworu: Useless bunch of gimps!  
Kensuke: Well, if she's gonna be hot and sexy, she can be smart too, but not like Asuka, the know it all bitch of Evangelion. There's my gift!  
An umbrella flies out and hits Kensuke on the head. I wonder who?  
Kensuke: Knocked out  
Touji: Uh, Kensuke? Speak to me! I'll save you Sleeping Beauty!  
Kensuke: Awake Eww! Don't kiss me Touji!  
Asuka/evil fairy appears  
Asuka: Damn you! You didn't invite me to the christening! Me, the lovely, talented, beautiful-  
Kensuke: Evil, narcissist, prideful, boastful, mean, has an inflated ego-  
Asuka: Agh! Go to **** you stupid fairy!  
Kensuke: No! And I'm not a stupid fairy!  
Asuka: Yes you are. Look at yourself.  
Kensuke: Oh.  
Asuka: Anyway! Back to my speech! Now the princess shall be cursed!!!  
Gendo: Why?  
Asuka: Because I want to!  
Gendo: But she's my clone! I control her!  
Asuka: Uh, uh. Now I DO! Bwahahahahahhaaha! When she turns 15 she will prick her finger and fall into ETERNAL SLEEP! Oh yeah, everyone else too!  
Evil fairy poofs away  
Gendo: Ahem, now for my gift. I grant you the gift of being dispensable.  
Kaworu: GRRRR...  
Gendo: Okay, fine. Well, I might need to use her in the future, so when a prince kisses her, she'll wake up.  
Touji: Goodbye, farewell-  
Kensuke: Come on! We have to visit some other stupid princess!  
Kaworu: SHE'S NOT STUPID!  
3 fairies poof away  
Pen Pen: SQQWWWAAAWWWK! (Burn the princess!)  
Kaworu: NO!  
Pen Pen: Squaaaaawwwkk! (But it'll just cause us trouble!)  
Kaworu: Why don't we just... BURN THE SPINDLES!  
Pen Pen: Squaaaawk (Okay. You, over there, go burn all the spindles)  
Hikari: Hai!  
Runs off to burn spindles  
The curtains close and part of the burnt spindles' fire catches onto it. Maya runs out with a bucket of water.  
Maya: Well, Ahem, Um... UP HERE! Audience continues talking I SAID LOOK UP HERE, DAMMIT! Audience finally stops Well, the princess grew up fine and healthy with all the gifts the fairies gave her.   
A noise is heard from the back  
Pen Pen: SQUAWWK! (Why couldn't we have just burned her?)  
Kaworu: NEVER!  
Maya: ANYWAY, it was her fifteenth birthday.........  
Maya runs off stage. Curtains open.  
Rei appears looking out the window.  
Rei: Mmmm... I am 15 today.  
Rei begins to wander around. Lecherous hoots sound from the crowd.   
Rei: Hm, I wonder what's up here? I've never seen this way before.  
Rei walks up the stairs and opens the door  
Asuka: Hellllllllllllloooooo nurse! Oops, I mean princess. Why don't you come and spin with me!  
Rei: I'm not stupid. I'm not going to touch the spindle! Then I'll fall into eternal sleep! You've got to be kidding!  
Asuka: Agh! You abazureon'na!  
Flings the spindle at Rei. Rei ducks  
Rei: Hah! You can't catch me!  
Asuka: I'll get you yet my pretty! BWAHHAHAHAHHAAA!  
Asuka finally gets her  
Rei: God, I am so tired.  
Rei slumps on the floor. Everyone in the palace falls asleep. Asuka cackles like an idiot.   
Maya comes out, and the curtains close  
Maya: So, the curse has fallen and many people have heard, many tried to save her, but failed.   
Maya exits, the curtain opens  
Shinji: I must save the sleeping princess!  
Now, squeals sound from the crowd. (fangirls) Shinji comes riding on Ritsuko/donkey's back.   
Ritsuko: (This is so stupid! Why do I have to be a horse?) Neigh.  
Shinji chops away at the thorns.   
Shinji: Ouch! I got poked by a thorn! It hurts! I gotta be a man!  
Ritsuko: Grrr...  
Shinji finally makes it to the castle, leaves Ritsuko outside, and wanders around the castle looking for Rei.   
Shinji: Whoa, look at all these people! How lazy!   
He walks up to the bedrooms. (How she got there, I don't know) He finds Rei  
Shinji: Oh, there she is!  
Shinji blushes  
Shinji: (Okay, I can't faint now, and nose bleeding would make me look wimpy in front of all these people. Well, she certainly has the gift Touji gave her. Hot and sexy is right. Wait, what am I thinking? Ah, who cares.)  
Shinji comes closer to Rei, about to kiss her.   
Shinji: Rei, wake up!  
Rei: Huh? Oh!  
Their lips touched as Shinji kissed Rei.   
20 minutes later......  
They stop kissing and Shinji picks Rei up, and carries her down to where the King and Queen are, now awake  
Pen Pen: SQUAAAAAWKKK! (Oh. Look, it's our daughter. I told you we shoulda killed her!)  
Kaworu: AHH! Stop saying that! Starts banging Pen Pen on the head Oh yeah, you two, go get married!  
Maya jumps onto the stage and then the curtains close.   
Maya: And then the two were married and joy sounded throughout the land.  
Maya jumps off the stage and the curtains open. Rei and Shinji are in wedding dress and tuxedo  
Kaji: Okay, you two are married, tell me the details later.  
Rei and Shinji kiss again and everyone claps.   
Everyone comes out and bows.  
  
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Nope, there's still some more coming, after the play! I'm going crazy aren't I, oh well. I'm planning on another fic, an actually serious one. So R&R!  
  
  



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